# Climbing accident On life's unpredictability… I was peacefully visiting family in Manitoba after a healing retreat, feeling relaxed, grateful and full of love. We organized a trip to the climbing gym with the family and while there, the steel cable of the auto-belay snapped as my boyfriend was coming down and he fell to the ground from 15 feet. Immediately after the fall, he was in such agony like I have never witnessed before. The paramedics came, we went to the hospital, CT scans, and the whole ordeal. There was some compression fractures but luckily nothing major that would require surgery or cause long term disability. Given what happened, this is probably the best outcome we could have hoped for.

However, I am more shaken than him by this crazy turn of events. Thanks to the holotropic breathwork, I felt more in touch with my body and noticed that deep down I feel paralysed by the fear of losing someone I love. The cable is not "supposed" to break; we are supposed to be able to trust it. Yet it failed us and I was forced to face the fragile and ephemeral nature of everything. I also became aware that I have felt this deep fear before. When I was a kid, I often felt this way when my parents came home late and would start crying at the thought of something bad happening to them. As humans on this planet, we probably all have people in our lives whom we could not possibly imagine a future without.

I feel so anxious and paralyzed, just the thought of a potential life without him is so painful and I don’t want to face it. Even thinking about it now brings me to tears. But I know everything is ephemeral, but it seems so cruel that we all have to deal with the mortality of our loved one, it feels worse than dying ourselves.